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(https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/bbc-ukraine-shortwave-radio-frequencies_uk_621fa132e4b0a7784bb2808f)


 

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Valentine's Day. Hmm.

I hope everyone is having the romance that they want or need, today. I feel like I may need to romance a nice veggie chilli into my belly. As an asexual, and aromantic, I find it a hard concept to grasp, so just another day, but I did get a comfort hug from a virtual stranger this morning when I found myself  at almost at breakdown over a 'shut out of my own house by a faulty door' situation so that counts, maybe.

It was nice, actually. I had a posse to help me, from the walking group I had just been to. Turns out that one of them is a local private landlord, so if my landlord continues to neglect repairs, he'll come over to fix the door and keep me informed of any suitable houses he has ready for a new tenancy.

Anyhoo, enough of all my personal drama. I continue on with my photography course (for mental health rather than skills - that is kinda obvious from the amateur hour pics but I am trying new photoraphy things). Thought I would share, just because this is supposed to be my creative space. The topic is Favourite Things, with secondary prompts of Winter and Orange if we were struggling for ideas.

I mostly tried to keep strictly to 'things' rather than places, activities etc.


Milk Frother

20+ years of cappucino and milkshakes have been produced by this random Christmas gift I received, which I didn't think it would be any use to me. It's a traditional cafe/milk bar milkshake maker. Boy, was I wrong! Some days a vanilla, soy, cappucino can save my life and this is the gadget that makes it possible. I've always loved how shiny it is.

Nobody warned me how difficult it is to get a 'reflection' photo without the camera or photographer sneaking into the image. A ridiculous amount of time went into the set up for this and it stil wasn't as crisp as I would have liked.


Spring Flowers

This was not set up. I got wet for this. My knees were cold. I love how the raindrops pool in the centre of the top flower like spilt tea caught in a saucer.


Buttonhooks

Yes, I have a button hook collection. Do not judge me. These are a few of them. I don't get them out often enough, thay are pretty and it  really is a mindful and tactile thing for me to do. Some are home made from washers and polished to a shine, some are  silver or 'modern' bakelite, hand painted. The Tiger's Eye one draws me in, every time. I wonder about the stories of the people and businesses that owned them and who used them, hurrying to get ready for the day, or to help a customer to try on a shoe or jacket.


View from The Beach

My deviation from 'thing' I guess this is really a place or activity but sitting on the beach IS a 'thing' for me. The yacht is surprisingly far out but I was being lazy, sitting slouched low on the beach and the perspective gave it this really close-up look.

So there's all of that. Hopefully y'all will be too busy being romanced at restaurants, clubs and wine bars to be reading this!
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Presented without comment. I have no horses in this race. However, I am always impressed by Emily's easy to understand lawyer explanations.

If we thought fandom was full of drama ... holy smokes.... this set was dysfunctional according to the various lawsuits. (Previous Rust lawsuits deconstructed on her YT channel).

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I'm not sure if anyone still visits LJ... If so, I hope everyone had the festive season they needed and are looking forward to some hope and good things in the New Year,

I haven't been very sociable or creative for the last year. I've been concentrating on trying to manage my MH. As part of that, I signed up to some of the online activities at the Northumberland Recovery College

Anyhow, one of the courses that I have been enjoying is Mindful Photography. After using photography principally to get out by distancing myself through it's lens, it's time to do the opposite and really concentrate on some of the images I take, or have taken in the past.

This week's assignment was 'cutlery, or red, or 'resolutions'. I couldn't think of any place that would fulfil it during a walk, so for the first time ever I decided that I needed to stage them. I set up one photo in the garden while I was working on 'rescued' tools which need some restoration. I wanted more color and better light for it but it's Northumberland in Winter and yeah, nothing to do. That one was a quick snap really,  but it was part of the bigger picture, that I actually got out into the garden to do something useful which was good enough - the pot contains my winter onions (yummy in salads/omlettes/cheesy stuff and so easy to grow) so it was a plate of food.

Garden Cutlery
.

Then, I set up a deliberate indoor photo shoot. It was a fun hour or two to grab together a bunch of random stuff and stage it - found a little table lamp to provide light and tried different angles. In typical fashion, I found out that my main camera batteries had run out and I had no spares, so I ended up using the camera on my phone - lol, so professional (not). I was quite pleased with the result, especially after I applied a red filter to make the background a little more cave like. There's a lot more I wanted to do but I didn't have the spoons to keep repositioning everything or navigate the new Gimp format ( haha spoons - see what I did there?)

Anyhow, my first painstakingly staged photo is 'Cutlery Hoard'.


So that's me sharing my random stuff on LJ. It's about time I posted something.
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Well, I renewed my subscription to this site.

Clearly I have optimism that one day I might have something mildly interesting to post.

That day isn't today.

I miss SPN.Even if I wasn't watching the later eps, I liked to see the photos and gifs.  I have no show I feel as passionate about since. I do quite like Vera - the local scenery and wonderful down to earth performances by Brenda Blethyn. I was shocked to find out that she is now 72! Just wow.

Here, have a photo of my cats hogging the glorious autumn sunlight in my full length window. I know I promised Arliss a pic of it. It doesn't have a wonderful view - it's a highly populated old 70's social housing estate and my sliver of sea view is on the other side of the house - but birds nest on the roofs opposite. It's fun to see them raise their babies each year. The quality of sunlight is truly the thing I love about it - unfortunately so do my cats and so a makeshift cat tree blocks a lot of it for me. My son's cat stresses Mitzi out, so this is the room she mostly stays in, I felt she needed something. Rogue thought he needed to share, so a big box was added with his wildly bright fave crochet blanket.The under-table area is Mitzi's private space when she's stressed and a full size TV (tablet) can play bird vids there for her. It's a good job I'm not fussed on interior design...





The state of the window is because the gutters were being washed out today. It was not done neatly. I now have to wash every window in the house ...ugh.

Bonus: I am working on a family pictures project - digitalising old photos for anyone in the family to grab from Facebook. Just for fun this is me and my childhood best friend, raising money for charity by raffling a big rag doll. Being us, matching fancy dress was required ...


How is everyone? Hopefully good and hopefully a few still remain here. xxx
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I need to get my thoughts in order regarding the J2 debacle. I know a lot of people on Twitter seem to think I am 'hating on Jensen' with what I have replied to some folks. A tweet is short and I do not hate anyone on the basis of SM unless they are actively putting out despicable/fraudulent or cruel statements. And yes, I am looking at Misha Collins there. Anyway, my response has been deeply and personally emotional but not because I have ever idolised J2 or their relationships. After a day soul searching I find it is a lot more complicated and messy than that.

Anyhow, trying to get a handle on it for myself, in some sort of bullet form, without the restrictions of twitter or worrying about typos and grammar is mostly why I am here.

So. Hi. It's been a while. How are y'all doing.

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I needed to vent -okay.

Look U.K. Christmas is not cancelled. It's still right there on 25th for Christians who want to celebrate it.

Sure, it might mean an online service, a little quiet meditation, perhaps read some bible verses about y'know - Jesus. If we, as a society have put all of our hopes and dreams into one day of feasting and gifts, unrelated to the faith it is purported to be about, then perhaps we need to stop and reassess our values? Was it truly all of us who got to celebrate?

Because I am pretty sure the poor, health workers, carers and emergency services are going to have a rough time on the 25th (and always have). It's tough, it's disappointing but what is actually cancelled for many is the get togethers, the hugs and LOVE. Maybe the thing we need to take away from all this, after a little moan, perhaps a few tears, is that the things we are missing aren't anything to do with Christianity and Christmas but with family, friendship and traditions. And family and friendship is something that can be celebrated at any time of the year.

Perhaps we, as a society, need to make a change, make new traditions, and start showing appreciation all year around - whenever it frickin' suits us, our lifestyles and our families, beginning with making some immediate adjustments to ensure that our friends and family will be alive to participate in future celebrations.

You're disappointed, I'm disappointed. Hell, I dont even have a hob or oven for the holidays because my landlord is a jerk. I will do something nice for Yule alone, a walk, appreciate the seasonal beauty and I will get together with the few folks in my bubble on 25th for whatever - idk. Most of us have always worked on 25th anyway so we're pretty flexible about it. Celebrating differently is not the end of the world. Losing your loved ones will feel like it is the end of the world though.
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I loved the finale. There are a lot of thinky thoughts and a bunch of random screencaps from it that I will post when I get my emotions in order,
However, for the first time in a very long time, words were inspired. I wrote them down before they slipped away.

Sam's out of focus partner when they were playing catch got me wondering. Who was she? The facelessness seemed deliberate. Like her identity didn't really matter, She was after Dean. Maybe, like Amelia they were both lost and hurting. Maybe there was something else, something more.  Anyhow, as I say, words formed around her.

Title: Nameless

Rating: Gen

Pairing: Sam/OFC

Description: A little headcanon for the faceless lady watching Sam play catch with Dean.

Warnings: None

Length: Drabble (100 words)

Disclaimer: The boys and their world don’t belong to me. I like to play in Eric Kripke sandbox and I promise I will give it all back.

Much thanks to Firesign10 for the quick beta.


There is no Cupid's arrow, no urgent passion here, but Sam is company, kindness and touch. She takes her chance, settles before her clock runs to zero.

Sam cries "Dean!" in his sleep and flinches at unseen objects. Sometimes he looks right through her, searching for something in a misty daze. She hugs her precious baby, doesn't ask; She has everything she needs.

Sands of time slip cruelly away and, when Dean is six, she crosses with Sam’s steady reassurance and a chaste kiss on her lips.

Heaven heals her in sunshine and smiles. She waits, but Sam never comes.

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Before lockdown I had actually, finally, found a counsellor who was I making headway with. I was starting to do the 'social' thing in a small way.

Of course, that all went to crap and unfortunately for therapy, I can now absolutely justify avoiding folks. 

One of her suggestions, early on, had been to get a dog. Walking a dog is good exercise and sociable. You have to stay alert and in the moment. 'Yeah but no,' I said emphatically, 'Do you have any idea how many times I have been bitten by dogs? And they smell. And are annoying. Even the pub dog, Khalifa, who I love, I would not consider walking regularly.'

That was that. Except ... remember Mitzi?

She isn't keen on going far alone.

So twice a day, we take off around the block together for ten minutes at a brisk pace and these days she 'heels' even without her harness on.

She's a good cat so in her spare time she is interested in reducing homelessness. Specifically cat homelessness. Some of you may know that she brought in the community feral cat over lockdown, to share food and shelter. Said cat was having a medical emergency and required a vet stay and weeks of treatment. He is left on a permanent low grain diet and must give up feral life if he is to stay healthy and survive. So, um, yeah. No longer a community cat. Our cat.

Rogue is sweet and calm in the house but an absolute fighting machine outdoors. Having been stray for many years he is also a dustbin. He will snaffle any and all food he can find, whatever damage it might do to him. The choice we have with him is that he becomes entirely an indoor cat or we harness train him. Now, I am not a fan of his singing about being wild and free at 4 am every day. So...



Who needs a dog to walk anyway?

Rogue is actually a very quick study. It isn't really about a walk in the way that dogs walk. He likes to patrol a little, rub favourite trees and bushes, roll in dust, outstare enemies and slow blink at certain girl cats. What Mitzi walks in 10 minutes will take him at least an hour.  But, he now asks for his harness because he knows it means he can go out, and I am spending a little less time each day standing suspiciously around bushes and street corners waiting for his temper tantrums over not being allowed under cars or into gardens, to subside.  He now walks straight past a lot of these places and can be convinced to walk away from growly enemies on occasion too.

And now - I am meeting folks. Because a community cat has more friends than me - yup, seriously. And they have all been super worried about him since he disappeared the day he came in to me, sick. So far, Sheila, Ian, Jan, Debbie and the lady on the corner with the black cat have all rushed out to see him, and find out if it really is the cat that used to drop in on them. It's the first time I've ever met any of them but these are all people who fed him, tried to shelter him as much as he allowed and talked kindly to him. And he remembers them! He has insisted on stopping by their houses! He is happy to see every single one of them. They introduce themselves to me and have a gossip - they are happy to see him, chuffed to see how shiny and well adjusted he looks. (Clearly they have not witnessed his major meltdowns the first days of training which required the blanket burrito tactic to carry him home.)

Anyhow, dear flisties, I have had to interact and communicate with friendly local folks and no dog was required! My counsellor will be thrilled. 

How are y'all with this continuing plague state? Are we donning jaunty masks? Or barricading the doors?

Whatever it is. I do hope everyone is finding little survival techniques which work for them.  
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On the day that Supernatural finally grinds back into action to end it's 15 season run, I come across the CNN interview. It was hard to miss it on Twitter really. In it, Dean and Sam are visibly erased from Jensen and Jared and they talk about their new projects.

What I take away from it is simple, the show may be over but J2 will endure. We may not get the same media access, but rest assured, their love for each other is going nowhere and they have no qualms in letting the world know it.

Also - HOT - like scorching, whatever the role they tackle.

I'm just gonna drop these pics and quotes here, to return to when the quiet days lie to me, telling me that without Sam and Dean, there is no ship and no inspiration. Because gurl ... these guys ship themselves like no other. Those 'J2 write their own fanfic' tropes are hitting the mark right now.








Anyhoo, I had been procrastinating over signing back up to a professional package on LJ but I guess the boys inspired me. I'm here for at least another year. Lets hope I'm not talking to myself. 
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My son's pub made it to the BBC News today.



full article:    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-53293055?at_medium=custom7&at_custom2=twitter&at_custom3=%40BBCScotlandNews&at_campaign=64&at_custom1=%5Bpost+type%5D&at_custom4=E926F25E-BE1C-11EA-8C1D-06C5FCA12A29

It is the first and last pub in England on the primary A1 route into Scotland, so travellers and tired contract workers from everywhere but especially Scotland, are very much normal for them.

On a purely aesthetic note, what a pity it was raining when they took their photo but it still looks pretty with the twinkly lights! And I swear there is more colour in the hanging baskets and pots because I nurture them most of the time.  See! (from 3 days ago).



I think the press were hoping for Bournemouth style scandal in the town but they got sedate, happy, social distancing pubs with slightly better behaviour than in the supermarkets. The precautions in place in those pubs are crazy strict, the landlords prepared to make the hard decisions - I know I've been there during the preparation - and the town in general is gritting its teeth and doubling down because it's between a rock and a hard place - better in controlled areas than sneaky gatherings and mass raves in beauty spots (which have unfortunately been a thing).

I can see local forums reporting that pubs here had a good proportion of Scots today and in a normal Summer that is entirely usual, we are a seaside holiday town on a direct route from Edinburgh.I don't regard it as a huge scandal when the local holiday camps and guest houses have all re-opened. It is not the publicans' job to police who is in the area, why and how long for - only to collect data for track and trace purposes. It is however prompting healthy debate.

And, for a little irony these protestors turned up from as far as Glenrothes to protest the English entering Scotland. They had to drive into England on the A1 to turn around to do this.

.
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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

Read more... )

~end~

This is the story I never expected to finish in time. In the end, lockdown and some unexpected and lovely comments on my old fic spurred me on as well as all my amazing pompom wavers). So here we are. Thank you for sticking with me all this way <3. Comments, however short, truly do fuel a fanfic writer x

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

Jared believed in being fashionably late, so the party was in full swing by the time he arrived. Everyone was comfortably relaxed, any awkward introductions to Chad’s raucous family were over, and food was already cooked. It was excellent planning. Except...

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

Flowers started arriving. Or rather, plants, because of course the bastard wouldn’t send anything that he could put in the trash. He couldn’t punish a living organism for Jensen’s faults, so his apartment was starting to look like the exotics section of a garden center. He stepped around a four foot variegated monstera plant that arrived yesterday to open his door to a delivery girl proffering a cute and beautifully presented lucky bamboo. He wanted to snap at her and tell her to take it back but she had done nothing wrong and every small business deserved a boost. He pasted on his best fake smile, told her it was lovely, tipped her and closed the door. He returned to his resting frown- face and placed the lucky bamboo with it’s ‘Call me?” card on a crowded shelf next to a Carnelian Bonsai from three days earlier with its “I’m sorry,” card.

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

Jared didn’t get out of bed in the morning. He switched his phone off, ate gummy bears until he felt sick and tossed and turned in heat-festering sheets.

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: [livejournal.com profile] amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

He was under a dazzling spotlight with the Queen, while everything else faded into a black fog around them.

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: [livejournal.com profile] amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

They checked their supplies for the journey, that was yet to come. They had a lantern (battery powered from Halloween supplies) and some sturdy wooden staffs carefully fashioned from orchard branches by Jared. They didn’t strictly need them but he felt like any mythical quest required them. They each had a leather satchel packed with a sandwich and a bottle of water. Jared carefully added his iPAD, five dollar coins and his mother’s gold wedding ring to his pack. Jensen handed him their map - a plan of his home and its surrounding land, taken from the deeds of the house. They glanced at the clock. It was 11.15 at night. Jared breathed out slow, gathering his strength. He was sure that this quest could not save him, but if it could he would soon come face to face with the faerie who had haunted him his whole life. It was a terrifying prospect. “I’m good, let’s go.”

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: [livejournal.com profile] amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

This was a stupid plan. It was the stupidest thing he had ever done in a long history of stupid.

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lucifersprize: (Default)
Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead
Artist name: [livejournal.com profile] amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

It wasn’t fair. He couldn’t bear to let Jensen go.

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Fic title: Past the Garden Shed and Straight Ahead : Chapter 12
Artist name: [livejournal.com profile] amberdreams
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: past domestic abuse, sexual language, non explicit sex, cussing, Chad

Back to full description and chapter index.

***

Jared disentangled his limbs from Jensen at five in the morning, slipped out of bed and into his shorts. He thought Jensen looked beautiful, sleep-mussed and fucked out. He was a good lover, adventurous and considerate, and with the sort of stamina that could really impress a guy. Still, Jared couldn’t sleep, because he was ready for more. Not just sex, though it undoubtedly rocked, but more of Jensen.

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